Hicks Nix Pix
...The photos are up on the third floor photo board. Take a look at
them. You might be dismayed to find that the paper image of you
suspended by a thumbtack doesn't correspond to the mental self-image
that you've fostered over the years. Some people complained that they
looked like they came
home and found a McDonalds in the place their house had been. Others
said they looked like they had bitten into a quince or been beaned by
a Randy Johnson fastball just prior to the snapping of the shutter.
Some of the faces are heavily lashed with shadows. Yeah yeah yeah.
If you believe
your picture projects more of a tortured-poet/Mafia-informant image
(or poet tortured by Mafia informants, whatever) than necessary, feel
free to replace the board photo with one that jibes more with your
aforementioned delusionary self-image. Keep in mind what has been
said about passport photos - viz., if you look like your picture,
you're too sick to travel.
In the unlikely event that I matched a name other than the one your
parents gave you with your picture (my parents gave me a picture?)
correct the error. For all other errors - send me a note and I will
batch them up and correct them in one fell swoop. I'm a human, I can
do that.
In the past, people from the Southern Hemisphere have had their
pictures inverted. I don't understand this convention and have, in
consequence, decided to perpetuate it. Naturally you should feel free
to right/invert yourself in a manner contrary to custom. Just be
warned that even close friends won't recognize you if you do this.
Not only that but a tenth of thy kine shall perish.
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