1. I fought Stanford to a draw and they granted me a Ph.D. if I promised never to refer to myself as an alumnus.

2. I changed my name, filed my fingerprints off and moved to Texas.

3. I fulfilled my childhood dream of becoming a cowpuncher.

4. I realized that it was the dream from someone else's childhood.

5. I work for Shell Oil

6. Cows and I are friends now.

7. I ran with the bulls in Pamplona, fished for marlin off the Keys and hunted elk in Koyukuk with my trophy bow.

8. I heard Oren Hatch enter the name "Long-dong Silver" into the Congressional record.

9. I ran UP the down escalator in Dupont Circle, D.C.

10. Nine of these ten statements are true.