I was once talking to an Indian guy on an airplane and the captain 
announced some delay over the intercom. I said "*This* wasn't in the 
contract." He was puzzled and asked what I meant. I fumbled for a way to 
express the thought. "Well if Life came with a contract, there wouldn't be 
any mention of this exact problem." He looked quizzical for a moment and I 
thought that the concept was too hi-falutin' (or just badly expressed) for 
him to grock but then he smiled and said "I think that somewhere in the 
Contract of Life there is a clause that says, "If stupid, then everything." 
I often think back to that succinct phraseology. "If stupid, then everything."


In May of 2003, I discovered that my  wife of 6 years had a very 
open view of the 7th commandment (no, that isn't the one about graven 
images - basically she thought 'monogamy' was a type of wood). Six weeks 
and 3 lawyers later, I was a single dad (to be played by Jason Alexander in 
the movie). People of opposite sexes, for example men and women, view 
adultery in different ways. To get back in his wife's good graces, a man 
will say "But she meant *nothing* to me," whereas a woman will say "But I 
*loved* him." Both of these defenses are hopeless from the get-go though it 
makes me wonder how it works in gay marriages.

Me personally, I think that one of the worst things you can do to a person 
is make them feel ridiculous in their own eyes. Fortunately this is 
reasonably rare, as it requires their collusion in their own debasement. As 
it turns out, my ex was seeking comfort from other sources even as we had a 
year of couples therapy, tried to have a kid and ended up having a 
miscarriage. An external person viewing all this from a safe distance (so 
as not to get splattered with poop) would think "Jeeze, that guy must feel 
ridiculous for having tried so hard," and he wouldn't be far off the mark.

I had a hard time starting over, I expect anyone would - putting myself 
again in the position of being judged. I hear myself hearing myself delivering
my patented winsome anecdotes like a dedicated Hindu chanting the Bhagavad
Gita.  So anyway.  I find myself in Portland, a city of not inconsiderable 
charms (nor indeed considerable charms) which contains my beloved daughter, my ex's beau 
and her job. In about 10 years, I will shamble forth from this state and endeavor 
to engage in the vocation for which God has destined me, which with my luck 
is probably spading potatoes on Northern Long Island. No lessons need or should be 
drawn. Well perhaps I will indulge myself with a quote from Homer:



"Now from his breast into his eyes the ache
of longing mounted, and he wept at last,
his dear wife, clear and faithful, in his arms
longed for as the sunwarmed earth is longed for by a swimmer
spent in rough water where his ship went down
under Poseidon's blows, gale winds and tons of sea.
Few men can keep alive through a big surf
to crawl, clotted with brine, on kindly beaches
in joy, in joy, knowing the abyss behind:
and so she too rejoiced, her gaze upon her husband,
her white arms round him pressed as though forever.

So it was the OPPOSITE of that.